Sneak Peak! Step 6. Pack the Righ Gear: Are You Carrying Extra Baggage?

Step 6: Pack the Right Gear:

Are You Carrying Extra Baggage?

 

“Simplicity is making the journey of this life with just baggage enough.”- Charles Dudley Warner

“Simplify, simplify.”

- H.D. Thoreau

“One “simplify” would have sufficed.”

- Ralph Waldo Emerson in response

Tools: Reflection, Balance, Releasing, Being Present

Objectives:

●  To acknowledge any extra “baggage” one is carrying, such as negative emotions from past experiences.

●  To feel these negative emotions, then release them.

●  To start finding a healthy balance of what one needs and doesn’t need.

●  To welcome and be present with new positive emotions and feelings that enter your life.

Now that you have a destination in mind, it’s time to start preparing for your adventure.  You may have some special supplies, friends, and emotions to help you on your newly designed journey, but to fit it all in your pack you might have some letting go to do first.

We all know that carrying any extra weight on the trail is no good.  Whether you are hiking or running, it can slow you down, be very uncomfortable, or be a downright pain in you (your) back!  On the other hand, not carrying enough isn’t good either.  Running out of food with miles to go can lead to a very grumpy hiker/runner!

Finding that balance between not having too much but not having enough isn’t always easy.  For most, it takes a lot of trial and error and reflection on what when right and wrong.  “Okay, next time I run for 2 hours I only need to carry one water bottle and one gel.”  Eventually, you’ll figure out what works for you.  Just remember, what works for you may not work for someone else, and vice versa.  On the other hand, if you don’t take the time to reflect, you’re not going to figure out what works and what doesn’t.  Same goes for that other baggage we all carry…

The past is important and there is much to learn from it.  It is not, however, meant to be dwelt upon.  Once you take your lessons from it and reflect on some of the good memories, it’s time to be present. No need to worry about the future either, just keep a gentle gaze toward those distant mountains.

The problem is most of us are too stuck in the past or working so hard for the future that the present moment is all but forgotten…and then we wonder where the time went!

 

Example Scenario:

Pretend you are going on a weekend hiking trip with two friends in a beautiful mountain range.  At the trailhead, everyone gets out of the car and grabs their packs.  You notice your one friend’s pack is bursting at the seams, while the other has a pack that is smaller than your old book bag. Still, you figure it’s best not to say anything.

Within a few hours, things start to go awry. Your friend with the small pack is moving fast, not even taking a break at the overlooks to check out the amazing sunrise.  Your other friend is moving slightly faster than a snail’s pace, slowed down by the weight of the pack and already complaining of an aching back.

Fast forward to the next day, and everyone wants to quit.  The friend with the small pack is trying to mooch off of everyone else, also having missed all the views.  The friend with the big pack is in pain.  You are stuck in the middle, also not having fun being “weighted down” by the negativity of your buddies.

Meditation Hike:

*You can do the meditation below literally or figuratively using mental imagery.  I will use the word hike, but please feel free to interchange this with “run”.

 

As you start off your hike, imagine yourself carrying a heavy backpack.  Each step feels heavy and weighted.  Not long into your hike, your back starts to ache from the heavy weight.  The straps start cutting into your shoulders.  Your breathing may even become shallow and labored.

 

Finally, you come to a halt.  You cannot take any more of this pain caused by the heavy weight you are carrying.  You take off your pack and open it.  It is full of rocks.  The rocks represent the extra weight you have been carrying around you for the past year, 5 years, 10 years, 20 years, etc.

 

Put on this heavy backpack one more time.  Feel its full weight.  Take a moment to let it sink it.

 

Then, reach into your pack and take one rock out.  It is labeled “guilt”.  Hike with the rock in your hand for a few minutes. Feel its heaviness.  Then begin to think about where your guilt has stemmed from. Maybe you feel you haven’t lived up to someone’s expectations, maybe those expectations are even your own.  Or maybe you hurt someone, or someone else’s hurt was put on you.  Whatever it is, let yourself feel it fully.  Then let it go.  Swing your arm back and hurl that rock as far as you can.  It is no longer attached to you.

 

You pull on the next rock.  It is labeled “unworthiness”.  In your hand, this rock not only feels dense but sharp.  With it come thoughts like “you’re not good enough”, “you can’t” and “you’re not worth it”.  Reflect on when your feelings of unworthiness first began to creep up. Take a few minutes and just walk with these words and the feelings they bring up.  Then release them. Take that stone and throw it through the trees and out of site.  You are free from its weight.

 

Keep taking out the rocks in your pack.  Do this exercise with each one.  Feel its weight, think of where the feeling stemmed from, then release it from yourself.

 

As you empty the rocks in your pack, feel yourself become lighter and lighter.

 

You hike on happily until you realize you feel empty. Something is missing.  At first you can’t figure out what it is, but eventually it comes to you.

 

All the extra unwanted feelings and emotions you’ve been carrying around had left no room in your pack for the good ones.  You missed out on letting in love, compassion, beauty, and grace.  It’s time for you to let those in.

 

As you continue hiking, you see a tiny ball of light coming toward you through the trees.  You are not afraid, and you let this brilliant light come through your chest and fill your body with love.  Take in this feeling.  It is yours to keep.

 

Continue letting in these little balls of light full of kindness, compassion, strength and whatever else comes to you that you may have neglected.  Feel their lightness, and their fullness.

 

You are full, but not weighed down.  This type of fullness leaves you feeling happy and complete.

 

Your stride is no longer heavy and slow, but light and strong.

 

The energy is yours to keep for the rest of your journey.

 

Journal Questions:

·         What extra baggage (negative emotions/thoughts/experiences) have you been carrying?  What about any people or things in your life?

·         How did it feel to release them in the meditation?  Do you need to do any additional works?

(Writing through them is a great start and enough for some, but a licensed therapist might be needed for others.)

·         What do you need more of? (Personally, I need to be more compassionate to myself.)

 

 

The Causualties of Comfort

The Casualties of Comfort

 

"...You don't need to change
A thing about you, babe
I'm telling you from where I sit
You're one of a kind

 

Relationships I don't know why
They never work out, they make you cry..."

-Griffin House

Author's Note: Before I start this post, I feel it is necessary to start out with a brief explanation.  This post is not (merely) a review of my past relationships, but a review of many relationships I have been a second-hand witness to that calls to my social scientist side (I guess my bachelors did pay off for something).  As usual, these thoughts are a result of meditating on the subject while running, so may make absolutely no sense at all.


            The beginning:  Aren't the beginning of relationships beautiful?  Whether with a new friend or romantic partner, there is always an excitement to them.  A new person to share your passions with, to learn from, to synergize with.  After all, relationships have been getting more and more press about how they are the #1 key ingredient to a happy and healthy life.
            There is also a hesitancy with new relationships.  People go out of their way to be polite, not offend, and simply be kind.  Most even go out of their way to leave small but impressionable gifts of love, maybe by flowers but more importantly by the note that comes with it.  The relationship grows and so does the love between the two.

             But what makes it stop?  Why, after a few months or maybe a year or two, does the politeness or small acts of love begin to disintegrate?  Why does it become okay to criticize and not worry about hurting the other's feelings in the process?  Why does the communication slip?
 
             I don't think (in most cases) that the love is disappearing, but the "unconditional" aspect blends in with the conditional.  This is just a theory of course.
 
             As trust deepens, people naturally, though hesitantly at first, feel comfortable to let their flaws begin to show.  They find out that their flaws are accepted, and feel free to let more of their imperfections be revealed.  Before you know it, it's for okay to walk around the house in your underwear, despite the scar on your thigh.  Waking up with a bad case of bedhead is no longer worried about.
             But then something happens, not drastically, but slowly.  It becomes okay to criticize little things.  First for not always putting the dishes away as soon as your done eating and then things more personal, accusing things like "Why are you always late?  You know I like to be early." or "Why can you always run in the morning but not have enough time for so and so?", forgetting that running or whatever hobby is precisely one of the things that drew one to the other, or knowing that running or whatever activity is important to the other's well-being. 
            Then the discussion of "no it's this way, not that way" transforms from a playful jest into a competition, a fight for who's right and who's wrong.  A surprise might turn from an attempt at a thoughtful act to a critique of "why didn't you ask me first?".  Last comes the lack of support.  Suddenly it's okay to skip a date because something "important" at works comes up.  Or one offers up advice in the form of "well, you've never done that before so it might not be your best idea."  At the beginning, wouldn't that have been "Yes, of course you can do it.  Let me know how I can help."?
 
            Reading this, it probably seems very petty, and it is.  But I bet your thinking about how the comfort in your own relationship has led to causalities, whether it's you are your partner being hurt by one (but often repeated) simple act.  Most likely you can not point out exactly when this change came about it your relationship as it happens so gradually, but you can note the changes of constant support to little grievances that are no longer forgiven.
           While it is often bigger things that lead to a close of a relationship, it is even more often a build-up of all the little things.  Even if it doesn't lead to the end, it does have a direct effect on the quality of the relationship and each person's happiness.
 
           As mentioned before, I've seen this happen in most if not all relationships I've witnessed.  Many are still together.  So is it still an issue? Absolutely.  For relationships, for love, to grow people need to be cared for and nurtured just as much as the spring flowers beginning to seep out of the soil need rain and sun to thrive.
           The solution is relatively simple, but needs practice to become a habit.  The number one step is simply to be mindful.  No, not nervous and self-monitoring like at the beginning as I do believe comfort in a relationship is a good thing too, but just aware of  words choices and the meaning/feeling behind them.  Then notice when you are more short-tempered, saying things that are often not meant.  Also, its good to notice if one does have a habit that is known to drive the other  bonkers (ei. leaving the toilet seat up) and the possibility to maybe, just maybe, change your ways for the other. Once one is aware, change can begin,
            I believe another good practice is constantly reminding oneself of all the things love about the other.  What was it that drew you like a magnet to your partner at the beginning?  It might be awkward at first, but it wouldn't hurt to share those thoughts from time to time with your significant other either.
 
             Per my usual beliefs, the last solution can be learned from the world's greatest teachers...dogs.  Actions speak louder than words.  It definitely doesn't hurt to say "I love you" but showing it is often more meaningful.



Yep, I think I'm loved.



 

 



Wild and Free,

Rachel